Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Responsible BDSM: My Definition

Responsible BDSM must contain the following qualities: Be between Consensual Adults, give mutual enjoyment, contain safety measures, involve discussions before every scene, and not be permanently scaring.

The above mentioned list is of my own creation. Each Domme and sub should have their own list in their minds of what should and should not take place.

Every relationship is different and every situation needs to be re-evaluated.

This now is Madison Moore’s Personal Definition of Responsible BDSM.

Consensual Adults

This is an absolute must. If the activity is not consensual it then becomes abuse/torture. The classic example I use is CBT (Cock and Ball Torture). If the CBT is consensual then there will be mutual enjoyment for both D/s. If a Domme was to perform CBT on a man whose only fetish is Tickle Torture then the CBT would be abuse because it is not consensual.

Consensual also implies that both Domme and sub remain sober (no alcohol/no drugs). It is impossible for a sub to give their consent if he/she is under the influence of a mind altering substance. It is also impossible for a Domme to respect the responsible limits of BDSM when intoxicated. I do realise that there is slight room for deviation from this rule if the BDSM is done within a committed relationship and the couple have explored BDSM before. An example would be 1-2 drinks between a husband and wife but not to the point of intoxication.

I use the term Consensual ‘Adults’ because after all it is not only illegal but also unethical to participate in any BDSM activity (even an activity of a non sexual nature) with anyone under the age of legal consent. In most countries the age of consent is anywhere between 18 – 21.

The word ‘Adult’ also implies ‘Human Adult’, which means, responsible BDSM does NOT include animals of any kind.

Mutual enjoyment

BDSM after is about enjoyment; both physical and psychological. Discussions before each scene are imperative in order to maintain mutual enjoyment. I take the time to not only discuss which particular activities my sub is interested in but I also endeavour to discover their psychological needs during a scene.

For example; a common activity that my subs and I enjoy is forced feminization/cross dressing. By asking psychological questions I will determine if the sub is interested in cross dressing as a form of humiliation or if they enjoy the process of cross dressing and want to look and act pretty.

The activity of cross dressing takes on different meanings depending on the sub’s emotional needs.

Safety measures in place

Safe words are a must. They should be negotiated well before a scene is to take place. My most commonly used safe words are: Red and Yellow. Exactly like a traffic light, red means stop and yellow means slow down. It is important to choose a random word for this purpose. “Apple, July, Tea, ex.” are good examples. I find it also a good role of thumb to keep the safe word between 1 – 2 syllables. This is obvious. If the sub is seriously in pain and is being injured, the injury is only going to continue until the sub catches his breath to say the long winded safe word.

Discussions before the scene about the subs physical state are also essential. I always ask my subs the following questions before an initial scene.

Has the sub done the activity before? This will give me an idea of how soft to start out at the beginning to give the sub an opportunity to discover his/her personal limits.

Does the sub have any medical conditions I should know about? Heart conditions, diabetes, epilepsy, all of these conditions will dictate which activities we can do.

Does the sub take any regular medications?

Does the sub have any past or present injuries or surgeries? This is very important. I specifically want to know about injuries to the knees and back. This will come into play on whether the sub is put on their knees, in a small cage or other positions I have in mind.

Basic human considerations when doing a long scene

  • Dehydration
  • Washroom breaks
  • Does the sub take medications during the day
Food can be omitted during a day. But only if the sub does not suffer from diabetes, hyperglycaemia or is not on any medications where food must be ingested with each dose.

No permanent scars

Responsibility is in the hands of the Domme and I take this very seriously. Personally I do not believe in leaving permanent marks. There will always be temporary markings; a sore and red bottom, superficial scratch marks, and the light tracing of where the flogger was used. But I don’t leave scars. I know I am unusual in my thinking. I have seen many photos of permanent scaring. I realise this is done often.

We all have our personal limits, and Dommes are no exception. For me my Hard Limits include scarification, needle play, branding, burning and any form of knife play. Scat is also on my hard limit list, though it does not have relevance in the context of scaring.

Sadly I have heard of many incidences of novices being physically scared due to lack of knowledge and poor communication between D/s.

BDSM can be a wonderful world full of potential enjoyment and pleasure. It is my hope and objective with this blog to educate readers on responsible play, and in turn to increase their levels of enjoyment and fetish release.
Question of the Day for male subs:
“How are you aiding Mistress Madison Moore to promote her blog and eventually find a literary agent?”
Email me your response to the Question of the Day email address: yesmistressmadison@yahoo.com
Until next time my lovely pets, I wish you a very pleasant and kinky week.
~ Mistress Madison xo

(This blog can also be found on wordpress in a more reader friendly format)
http://obayonline.wordpress.com/

No comments:

Post a Comment